Ok, So I am now 24 years old. That might seem as young to you all but I have experienced and done a lot of things with my life. Beyonce Knowles has helped me through some tough times. She has been my friend! My companion, my home girl and even my sister! How can she do all of this you wonder? have I ever met her? NOPE! I would love to meet her someday but ALAS I have not…Yet!
Notice I am saying yet, because I have realized that anything is possible in today’s world! I am a producer and I build rhythms. Maybe one day the Queen B herself will hear my rhythm and decide it is a rhythm she must have! 😉
Anyways. It has not only been Beyonce who has touched me with her music. It is the group she started in called Destiny’s Child.
Destiny’s child was an all girl group formed in 1990 (the year I was born). The original members were Beyonce Knowles, Kelly Rowland, LaTavia Roberson and Letoya Luckett. Latavia and letoya left the group and incame Michelle Williams and Farrah Franklin.
Destiny’s Child took the world by storm! And everyone knows Beyonce was the main girl! The one that everyone wanted to see. I could relate to that. While growing up. People have always gravitated towards me. I didn’t realise my power. I accept it now. My destiny is great! I am meant to be great and I have to accept that.
Anyway back to the purpose of this post.
Destiny’s Child original name was Girls Tyme. The group entered the competition star search and won. Remember the footage at the end of one of Beyonce’s video where you see her saying thanks. That was the competition they won!
Destiny’s Child released their Self title Album Destiny’s Child on February 17, 1998!
This is when I was eight. Now remember I am doing this post as a tribute to Queen B and linking it to my life.
In 1998 I was eight. These are some of the songs I was hearing on the radio and seeing and the videos I was seeing on TV.
I was a child so all I was hearing was these Angelic voices and being inspired by these beautifull women. My neighbours Ali and Allison even remixed “Bills” and we would perform it for our other neighbours. Fun times.
At 8 and nine the only bills I had were lunch money to buy lunch and a snack! Lol so I couldn’t have understood what they were talking about. How a man should be willing to provide for a woman without asking her for sex as payment. And he shouldn’t want the nookie and not want to take responsible for it. All I did was sing along and it helped me through my youth lol.
Other favourites of mine were Say My name and Jumpin Jumpin
But the song that was my altime inspirational song at that Time was Independent Woman.
That was my Jam! And still is one of my all time favourite songs! I didn’t know it then but I would grow up to be a very independent woman. My mother is also an Independent woman! I watched my father slap her numerous times! One reason was because she went in his pockets to look for money that she needed to buy food for us, her children. My father never really took up his responsibilites for me, my mother and sister while we were growing up. Up till now. Everything I have ever needed she has provided it. My father has always told me “I don’t have it” or “Ask your mother”. So being the strong woman she is she tried to get money anyway she could by honest means. My mother catered at functions to come up with my School fee. That was just one job I knew of because I am sure she did so many other things to send me through Prep School that she didn’t tell me about. All this time all , my father did was court his various girlfriends and Beat Her! For some stupid reason like the house not being clean. Or her wearing something that is not presentable to his workplace. This song helped me through that time when he would hit her (tears are coming to my eyes as I write this)
I would stand up in front of my father and ask him not to beat her anymore. Guess what he said he would stop! Then like an innocent child I believed him and I will never forget that incident. As soon as I walked away he continued to SLAP HER!
My mother went to the police station to report it. She carried my sister and I and you know what they told her. They dont see any evidence of hits! That was that.
So this song helped me. As reinforcement T.O.K (notice it isn’t the first post with that group in it, they have also had an impact on my life). Anyway they came to my school and performed this song for me in my class. I was young but I remember it very vividly and this helped me through my school work, my dance classes, my piano lessons and everything I did while listening to this song
The next song that helped me through my childhood was Survivor
Whether you are a man or woman! I am sure this song empowers you or have empowered you and helped you with something. It did so for me.
I am a SURVIVOR. This song was a part of the first remake of Charlie’s Angels. Destiny’s Child created this song for that purpose. From birth I had to fight for my life. I was a premature baby! I had to be on a ventilator. I came out of my mother’s womb in 7 months instead of the usual 9. What does that mean?I was meant to be on this earth and I had to be fighting from my birth. This song Inspired me. Everynight when I would go home and there would be another fight! Or I would be forgotten at school when it was my father’s time to pick me up. Or that night when I asked my father where he was when he came home late I remember it was 3:00 a.m and he said he was at Spanish Town. That is the answer he always gave because he knows I’m a child and my aunts live in Spanish town. So like a gullible child I believed him. It is only later in my life I realised he was with one of his “women”. One of those women birthed my two brothers . I have nothing against them I would love to get to know them. But currently my father is upset with me because I said something that has offended him. So right now he is spiting me and keeping them from me.
The next song that inspired me was Bootylicious
By this time I had won two scholarships which helped me to go through high school. As usual my mother had to be resourcefull in getting the money for my tutition because my father “didn’t have it”.
I would like to take a moment out of this blog to thank an earth Angel at this time.
A special aunt. She was like a mother to me and my sister and a good friend to my mother. Every Christmas my sister and I could look forward to presents from her. She would give us tickets to go to dance shows. When I was sisxteen she gave me my first job as a receptionist. .
Anyway, I digresee back to how bootylicious inspired me. My BFF . Would sing the song while we were in Textile and Clothing class! and that got me through lol
I didn’t even realise that I had the potential to be BOOTYLICIOUS but I would dance along!
The next thing that had a great impact on my life. Was the series THE PROUD FAMILY which was a cartoon aired on Disney Channel. A Cartoon Janelle you say? Yes! A cartoon! The theme song was perfromed by Solange Knowles and Beyonce sang back up! Penny proud reminded me of myself. A strong young woman who is subtle and yet all her friends seem to be empowered by her. She can sing she can dance. An she has a cooky father who always invents stuff and swears that he is bigger than he acutally is and a mother who is the strong one and moves mountains to ensure her family is alright. Too similar right?
Well that is why that cartoon inspired me! Here is the theme song
The next set of songs that have come to mean a lot to me in my life have are Destiny’s Child Christmas Albums
As I said I have always loved Christmas my mother always bought us presents and made it look like my father and “Santa Claus” had something to do with it. My father took pictures of us opening the presents (Atleast he did something)
Now let’s revise what time period we are in. I am living in another community in Jamaica. Because I moved from my old home . I will never forget the day we left. He told my mother to “Tek yuh dutty pickni dem and gwaan”. My mother did just that. She washed every piece of clothing for him. Ironed it. Ensured the house was clean and she left.
We moved to the new community with no furniture Remember she didn’t take anything from my father’s house. S o we slept on the floor. How did we get through? With the assistance of another earth Angel.
My mother’s friend from a competition that my mother won in 1993. . Many times there wasn’t any food in the house she gave us food. At one point there wasn’t any stove and she would bring us food.
Well back to the song that inspired me at this time. This is song is Kelly Rowland’s Dillema ft Nelly.
This song inspired me becuase like any young girl I had crushes on guys. There was this guy I liked at the extra lesson classes I would attend and I would think of him while singing this song. Ofcourse nothing came out of it because he had a girlfriend and I was not going to do anyhting with any guy at that age because I was not ready! Don’t let any man force you into things before your time ladies!
The next song that I loved by Queen B was Check up on it. Cause I’m a good girl and I like to get down with the Gangstas LOL.
The next song that inspired me was “Work it Out” by Beyonce. I watched the Austin powers movie and loved the character Minnie Me! So did everyone else at my school!
The Next song that inspired me was Bonnie and Clyde by Beyonce and Jay-z. For no other reason that I wanted to find my Clyde.
The next set of songs that inspired me were Crazy in love, baby boy All by guess who Queen B
I especially loved baby boy because it featured the Jamaican artiste Sean Paul! His then girlfriend went to my high school and bwoy did they got into trouble with Sister. They are now married!
I loved the choreography that Beyonce did in Crazy in Love and Baby Boy! I know beyonce has a professional choreographers but the fact is that she is the one that executes the moves. I would dance along with her when I saw the videos!
In my mind I know I would find that guy someday that fullfliled my fantasies!
At that age I didn’t really have any! LOL
The next song I loved to sing along to was Naughty Girl and this time I had no idea what she was talking about I just loved to sing along! It made me feel sexy at that young high school age!
Know let’s track where we are in my life and how it relates to Queen B. IT’S 2003 AND I AM in third form at high school. I am doing ballet, piano, dancing and signing . all while going to school.
At this time I would like to stop and thank another earth Angel my dancing teacher
She saw my potential as a dancer. I went to summer school and won a scholarship to attend there for the year. I went to the summer school because my mother could not afford to pay for both my sister and I to attend the institution. And ofcourse my father “didn’t have it”.
So I was given the opportunity of being a part of the workshop family. I say family becasue we grew up together we went on tour every two years to the dance conference.
Back to Queen B and how she helped me thorugh that time.
This is 2003 and Beyonce is now a solo artiste she won 5 Grammy Awards for Dangerously Inlove. one of my all time favourite songs
Honestly, at that moment I couldn’t realate to that song. because I had never experienced any form of true love at that age. But I knew one day I would. I had a crush on two guys at work . But that is as far as it went. I never developed any form of intimate relationship with either of them. Even though there were rumours that me and a certain past president of the Club who’s name begins with B were involved. But I remained a virgin all thougjout high school and into sixth form.
The next album that has inspired me is Beyonce’s gosepl album Do you know. I would not classify myself as a Christian. But I am very religious. I don’t believe in sticking to any particular religion because I believe in thinking for yourself and creating your own destiny. I strongly identify with the teaching of Jesus Christ and I try to live my life by following his examples.
All this time destiny’s child was on a three year highatous. Then they came back with the album
This album has some of my all time favourite songs! Cater 2 U, Soldier, lose my breath, and Girl. I would sing and dance along to all these songs. And even pretend I was catering to the “non-existed “man” in my life
ALL THESE SONGS HELPED ME THROUGH MY DAYS.
NOW BACK TO HOW THIS RELATES TO MY LIFE
I am working at a newspaper, I have a crush on two of the guys there and I realise that both of them are players. So what do I do? Turn to my music and ignore both of them. I left to focus on my school work and left the newspaper for an entire year. The songs that helped me through during that time were De Ja Vu, Irreplaceable and Beautiful Liar.
and in particular Halo because I knew one day my guy who is mine would be there for me.
So I would go to school hungry.
But an earth Angel in the form of my second best friend came to my rescue.
I owe so much to her and her father! ld buy me lunch and her father would take me and her to extra-lessons at . I would go to her house when my mother couldnt pick me up late from extra lessons. She thought I was pretending not to have any money. Because she would see me with a lot of money at some points. But what she didn’t realise that the money was to pay my music teacher and it had to be paid every month.
BUT I digresse let’s go back to the songs that inspired me
so at 17 I ended up at KPH. When i was admitted to the emergency room at Uwi Hospital. The doctors asked me to hit their hand! I couldnt. They could harldy feel a pusle. And everything in my system went out of whack. My mother didn’t have the money for me to stay at the Tony Thwaites wing so an ambulance took me to KPH. I was suppoed to die. But what kept me thorough? What song motivated me to get out of that hosiptal u wonder?
Listen by Beyonce
I knew i was 17. The thing that i regretted the most was that I would die a virgin lol. But that song motivated me ouit of that hospital room. I found out i got into UWI. And the docotrs advised me to take the year off. But I didn’t listen. AINT THAT IRONIC THE SONG THAT INSPIRED ME WAS LISTEN AND I DIDN’T LISTEN,
Now, how does this relate to Beyonce? What song helped me get through this time? You wonder? They were many but the one that inspired me the most was If I were a boy.
The other songs that inspired me were Sweet-dreams Diva, Broken Hearted girl and Ego.
When I sang these songs I was Beyonce. It was around this time I had began to develop my Alter Ego Queen Leo. When I performed I was her. She did all the things I wanted to do. She stood up to my mother when she hit me. Yes I was abused at all turns my mother still continued to hit me while I was at Univeristy. Abuse is a cycle! She was abused so she abuses too.
Sweet Dreams inspired me because as I told you at that time I had a crush on the now president of the club.
Broken Hearted Girl gave me strength because I was rejected . By another guy I liked. And this helped me to forget him and move on with my life.
Well the post will continue. But writing this has been very emotional for me. So I will take a break the next song that inspired me was Single ladies and I will tell you that later.
Single Ladies is my all time favourite song of that time in my life. It helped me embrace being a single young, independent woman. It made me value myself and realise that if a man loves me. He will want to marry me. If he realises my worth. It is still my anthem. Because I am still single and ofcourse men have asked me to marry them But they have not been the right ones.
Remember I said abuse is a cycle. So I went into abusive relationships.
.I was heby Queen B
This song inspired me to keep on fighting. This song inspired me to care about what people will say at my funeral. I want to leave a legacy on this earth. I want to be remembered. Not for what someone has done for me. But what I was able to give to the world. I want to remembered by the children I leave behind. I want to be remembered for the people I have helped without anyone knowing. I want to be remembered for inspiring young women to aspire to be something bigger and better than what people are telling them they can’t be. I also want to inspire young men to treat women with respect. I want to inspire their mothers to grow them right in order for them to be good husbands for their women.
Another song that inspired me during my time on irvine was. Who Run the World by Beyonce. This song inspired me so much that I did my very first remix on youtube, I used virtual DJ and I sped up the song. I decided I wanted visuals so I combined videos of the original video and a choreographed version by SEAN BANKHEAD. BOTH VIDEOS WENT VIRAL. Not bad for an inexperienced young dj right? Below is the official video
Below is the remix I did
Below is the video mashup I did also
Well I’m getting emotional again. This is bringing back all those memories I tried to forget. But I think this will inspire people. So I am sharing it